How to Make the Honeymoon Last

Simple techniques to boost your romance levels.

By Leah Zerbe


simple techniques to make the honeymoon lastEveryone’s encountered those long-term married couples who claim to be just as much in love now as the day the first met. It turns out they could be telling the truth, according to research presented at a recent Society for Neuroscience conference. A team of researchers from Stony Brook University used brain scans to show that some couples still experience brain activity associated with the early stages of love, even though they’ve been together for 20 years or more.

THE DETAILS: Stony Brook University researchers used MRI scans to study the brain activity of 17 people who reported being intensely in love with a long-term (21 years, on average) spouse.

Brain activity was observed while the volunteers were shown pictures of their partners, family members, friends, and acquaintances. The scans showed that pictures of their spouses elicited activity in parts of the brain that, previous studies have shown, becomes active in early-stage romantic love. Activity was also seen in areas of the brain that seem to be involved in long-term pair bonding in other mammals—prairie voles, for example.

Researchers sometimes refer to couples in long-term romantic relationships as “swans,” after the birds that famously mate for life. Previous research suggests that about 1 in 10 couples seem to experience this kind of long-lasting romantic feeling. No ones knows for sure what makes some long-term couples have extremely loving relationships, but study coauthor Arthur Aron, PhD, social psychologist at Stony Brook University in New York, says the following make for better relationships, and a combination of all at high levels could account for intense love:

1. Not being under great external stress (poverty, sickness, being in a war zone)
2. Neither partner being depressed or anxious
3. Partners having good communications skills
4. Partners regularly doing things together that are exciting, novel, and challenging
5. Partners celebrating each other’s successes

WHAT IT MEANS: Maybe you and your partner don’t bat eyes at each other the way you used to, but take that as a cue to put more work into your relationship, Aron suggest. “It is indeed sad that more couples are not intensely in love; however, for long-term couples, it may be a good impetus to do more to improve their relationship,” he adds. Your brain may not light up like an MRI like the Fourth of July, but that doesn’t mean you can’t jack up your romance meter and feel extra-close to your long-loved mate.